Some days, my faith seems like Mount Everest, big, strong, reaching high and far and surely a daunting vision for many. But most days are pretty average fields of grain. I go through with the average scripture study, the prayers, the counsel, the little things that guide and teach my children and encourage my husband. I don't doubt, I just walk. One foot in front of the other and repeat. Those days are the norm. They are even the days that my life is chaos sometimes.
Once in a while though, a day is just a mustard seed. Not much to look at, really easy to miss, but holding potential. Promise. If we just nurture it. Today is one of those. My love cannot sleep so neither can I. We wonder and ponder at news and the why and how of things in this life. Decisions of others. But we have no control and must simply stand by while they set our lives in motion. On those days, I wonder, God, where are you in all this. Don't get me wrong, I know he is in it. I don't doubt that for a moment. But I wonder at what point he is stepping in and making his presence felt. Or is he? Sometimes his presence is a quiet one that lets man do what man will do and then he takes and turns it into his glory. Those days I feel so doubtful too- if I cannot control this, how on earth can I lead a congregation? How can I handle watching others make the decisions and yet be the figurehead for it? Can my faith be enough? And then as I build a fire at 4:30 in the morning, I realize, watching the flames grow from tiny to enormous, a mustard seed is all it takes.
Once in a while though, a day is just a mustard seed. Not much to look at, really easy to miss, but holding potential. Promise. If we just nurture it. Today is one of those. My love cannot sleep so neither can I. We wonder and ponder at news and the why and how of things in this life. Decisions of others. But we have no control and must simply stand by while they set our lives in motion. On those days, I wonder, God, where are you in all this. Don't get me wrong, I know he is in it. I don't doubt that for a moment. But I wonder at what point he is stepping in and making his presence felt. Or is he? Sometimes his presence is a quiet one that lets man do what man will do and then he takes and turns it into his glory. Those days I feel so doubtful too- if I cannot control this, how on earth can I lead a congregation? How can I handle watching others make the decisions and yet be the figurehead for it? Can my faith be enough? And then as I build a fire at 4:30 in the morning, I realize, watching the flames grow from tiny to enormous, a mustard seed is all it takes.
No comments:
Post a Comment