Finally the email of widsom came...

Anxious.  I suppose that is the most accurate word for how I felt each time I would open my seminary email inbox.  I was searching, hunting, holding my breath, waiting for that email that would impart some small sense of stability and wisdom that would help me make it through my first intensives.
And then it came- but it was not alone.  No, a gaggle came.  Ones about housing in the dorms and what to bring to make life more comfortable, ones about meals and where to go at 2 am when desperate for company, coffee or even a beer to relax  after hours of frantic studying.  Others were about the schedule, about rules generally unspoken but wise to follow, written through sage experience of those who have gone before us. 
They were mixed in with my reservation confirmation and links to local necessities.  But the peace I thought would come from this wave of wisdom was a wash.  Instead I am now wired.  A little afraid, mostly excited and utterly overwhelmed with scenarios running through my inexperienced brain. 
Those little emails have more in them than I care to acknowledge at the moment.  I have 6 or 7 books to read right now for classes in preparation and both syllabus are finally in my hand. I have meals to make for my family, lists of contacts to type up, household function lists to arrange, oh my.... my stomach churns and my tummy flips over the amount of preparation and  not a whit of it will really help me when I get there. 
I cannot take it back now though. I have the wsidom of the ages, well at least the last 4 cohorts, in my hot little hands (read: laptop) and I am now charged with making it happen.  May the grace of God bless my words, thoughts, actions and experience.  Here we go....

Can a Christian practice Yoga?

Lets break this question down to basics.  Can a Christian practice Yoga?  What is Yoga?  It is a bunch of poses that place the body in positions that biologically create hormone balance, inner heat, weight loss, muscle strength, muscle toning/lengthening, etc.  I could go on and on.  It also uses meditation.  There are plenty of people out there who can uses the poses without meditation- and do- that recieve the health benefits of less pain with arthritis, fewer sore muscles, better abdominals... again, I could go on and on. Scientifically, and even spiritually, we cannot argue that these poses are actually very good for our body and are a form of caring for the temple that Christ reminds us to care for.
But we all know that the full benefits of Yoga are found when it is fully practiced using a form of meditation as well.  Here is the part that gets sticky for many Christians.  Our faith dictates that we watch for and deny the subtle ways of giving credence to other Gods- which include ourselves. 
Lets look at meditation then.  When we meditate, we basically call out to the universe and try to figure out our place in it, acknowledge that we are in it, that we have a place and to center ourselves.  No?  I do not meditate but from what I understand, that is the gist of it.
And now, lets consider prayer.  Actually, I am going to quote a passage from one of my texts this semester that I think is very interesting and quite applicable.

What do I mean by prayer?  I mean the practice of relatedness.  

On one side, prayer is our capacity to enter into that vast community of life in which self and other, human and nonhuman, visible and invisible are intricately intertwined.  While my senses discriminate and my mind dissects, my prayer acknowledges and recreates the unity of life.  In prayer, I no longer set myself apart from others and the world, manipulating them to suit my needs.  Instead, I reach for relationship allow myself to feel the tuggings of mutuality and accountability, take my place in community by knowing the transcendent center that connects it all.  

On the other side, prayer means opening myself to the fact that as I reach for that connecting center, the center is reaching for me.  As I move toward the heart of reality, reality is moving toward my heart.  As I recollect the unity of life, life is recollecting me in my original wholeness.  In prayer, I not only address the love at the core of all things; I listen as that love addresses my, calling me out of isolation and self-centerdness into community and compassion.  In prayer, I being to realize that I not only know, but am known.... 

In prayer we allow ourselves to be known by love, to receive this freeing and redeeming knowledge of ourselves. .. The mind immersed in prayer no longer thinks in order to divide and conquer, to manipulate and control.  
                   -Parker J Palmer, To Know as We are Known, Education as a Spiritual Journey

If we consider what Palmer is sharing with us, his definition of prayer, we can see how meditation and prayer are very similar.  Take his words 'love' and 'life' and replace with God and you suddenly have a very obviously Christian statement. Just a side note, he is a Christian educator.  He wrote this book for other Christian educators- so some things are assumed in that context. 
If then, meditation and prayer are so similar, why can we not pray while doing yoga?  No matter the situation, we as followers of faith, can choose to allow and invite God into our every moments- even if they are traditionally used for someone else.  We took Easter and Christmas and added our father to those- in order to bring the pagans around us to Christ.  Can we not use Yoga and other practices such as zone therapy, which are scientifically (biologically and physically) proven to have very positive health benefits, all faith aside?  I argue we can.  Why would we turn away from yet another gift and way to reach out to God? 

I made it... (passing Greek)

They say it was not a winnowing tool.  They say it will help with our studies through seminary.  They say....they say.... but none of that was comforting as I was going through it.  I questioned my call to be there.  How was God going to use me if I could not learn biblical Greek? 

But I made it!   It was definitely the most difficult class I have ever taken.  Take any other language class and squish 2-3 semesters of it into 1.  That is what we just did.  I can now read and write Koine Greek- maybe not the best but I can wing it now. 

What interested me most was the mixed feelings about it as I was struggling to survive the semester.  All while wanting to do away with this cursed language (thoughts then) I was fascinated with the tools it was already giving me in my Bible study classes.  Odd how I cannot read the New Testament now and not wonder, is that really in the imperative? .... or some such question.  Suddenly the NT came alive for me in a whole new way.

I also learned that I still stink at grammar- no matter the language- and that I still rock vocabulary- no matter the language.  That vocabulary is what made it possible to pass this class.

If all my other undergrad classes had been this hard I would still be a sophomore! This was far worse to take this one class than taking a full schedule of grad level courses!  But I did it.  And I can only say it was through the grace of God- because I still don't understand how it suddenly began to sink in.  I am just grateful.

Some days are mustard seeds

Some days, my faith seems like Mount Everest, big, strong, reaching high and far and surely a daunting vision for many.  But most days are pretty average fields of grain.  I go through with the average scripture study, the prayers, the counsel, the little things that guide and teach my children and encourage my husband.  I don't doubt, I just walk.  One foot in front of the other and repeat.  Those days are the norm.  They are even the days that my life is chaos sometimes.
Once in a while though, a day is just a mustard seed.  Not much to look at, really easy to miss, but holding potential.  Promise.  If we just nurture it.  Today is one of those.  My love cannot sleep so neither can I.  We wonder and ponder at news and the why and how of things in this life.  Decisions of others.  But we have no control and must simply stand by while they set our lives in motion.  On those days, I wonder, God, where are you in all this.  Don't get me wrong, I know he is in it.  I don't doubt that for a moment.  But I wonder at what point he is stepping in and making his presence felt.  Or is he?  Sometimes his presence is a quiet one that lets man do what man will do and then he takes and turns it into his glory. Those days I feel so doubtful too- if I cannot control this, how on earth can I lead a congregation?  How can I handle watching others make the decisions and yet be the figurehead for it?   Can my faith be enough?  And then as I build a fire at 4:30 in the morning, I realize, watching the flames grow from tiny to enormous, a mustard seed is all it takes.  

Can we talk and fold laundry?

It would be so much easier if I could just follow my calling.  It sounds so wonderous and learned- going to seminary, learning Greek and Hebrew, Theology, etc.  In my mind at one point there was this idea that I would begin my days like Martin Luther, with at least an hour of prayer and then scripture would be my focus for the day.  I would lead my little family in learning and be the ideal helpmeet to my husband as he slaves away to make sure the bills are paid while I go to school. 
Not so. 

Instead, I find myself scrambling for the time to read my Bible each morning.  If I do not do it then, the likelihood exponentially decreases throughout the day.  I haven't picked up a Bible study all summer that really makes me dig deep.  And sadly, my intentional, scheduled, ideal prayer life has yet to come to fruition.  I find myself praying for the friend with breast cancer as I choose grapes or chicken at the market, or for the family who lost everything while I am folding my laundry.  This is hardly the dedicated time I wanted for me and God. 

Then I get reminded by my husband of Tevia from Fiddler on the Roof.  The man worked hard all day, his time for prayer was while he was working and it was a dedicated time for him and God.  That gets me to thinking, is it possible that my housework can be more than just me yapping at God and depleting the ever present laundry mound?  Is it possible that my time with God can be fruitful and dedicated even while I share it with physical activity that does not mirror the conversation?  I have no solid answer here, but my heart says yes.  I love to go 'do' with my husband.  I rarely want time where he and I just sit and talk to each other doing nothing else.  Not to say that isn't lovely too, but most of the time, we enjoy ourselves and our relationship more when we add an activity to it.  Hiking, yard work, baking, camping... you get the idea. 

My best phone calls with my gal pals are when we are busy cleaning the bathroom or kitchen and chatting on our bluetooth or headset.  We are more efficient somehow and amazingly, the conversations just flow and are rarely filled with fluff.  It is almost as though we are distracted enough to really be 'real' with each other and get to the nitty gritty.  I treasure those calls and while I may not be the best at carving out that dedicated time for God in this new season of life and schedules, I realize I have not left Him with nothing, but rather given Him a significant and valuable part of my day and life. 

DL misconceptions

Real Students... we are!

     If you have never been a distance/distributed learning student you may not grasp this thought at first. In fact, I barely did when the topic was broached. I was blessed with an undergrad program at a state college that was robust and solid. I never once doubted I was a real student- the work was entirely too hard and the interaction too constant to ever believe otherwise.

     

     Yet, one night, alone in Stub Hall at the entrance awaiting pizza delivery, a pastor and his wife who were staying there for a conference stopped to chat. He told me, in his parting words, “don't you think, for even a moment that you are not a real student.” It registered but I dismissed it as the pizza came in the door- food can do that.

    

     On my last day at Luther though, this topic came up again. As the staff at the cafeteria (truly awesome and super friendly!) were sharing 'see ya laters' with me they reminded me that even while I am away from them and campus, I AM a real Luther student. At that moment (funny how that one also happened around food...) it sank in and as I wandered to my table, I began to ponder this. What does this mean? Why is this a concern? Who feels this way? Those questions asked, I am now leaving this thought with you... and an amusing video from an earlier cohort.
http://youtu.be/Phcwu92hKJA

Its all Greek

Wondering how my classes are going?  Well... Greek is all I am taking right now.  Biblical Greek to be precise.  That is more than enough in my opinion. 
I am blessed that I learned enough of several languages to get myself into trouble in the matching countries, and enough of 2 others to get myself out of trouble too.  Therefore, I understand the conjugation of verbs.  I understand the definite articles of all nouns have a gender.  What is throwing me for a loop is that even adjectives, adverbs, nouns, etc are... well... sort of conjugated too, but they call it declination.  I call it torture.

Vocabulary of Greek is actually pretty easy and the family has been wonderful about using my flash cards to quiz me.  So, while I learn Greek, they are too.  Well, maybe just vocabulary?  What I do notice is the flashbacks of spelling bees and Latin in Middle School and those memories remind me of what my kids lives are like right now.  I will not look a gift horse in the mouth- any opportunity to bond with them or understand them is precious.

Back to Greek though. I may sound whiny.  I can admit it,  I am a bit.  English grammar is hard enough, then twist it into Greek and anyone would have nightmares.  Yet, I am actually enjoying the challenge.  I am learning from new texts (Septuagint) and getting to understand the depth of meaning in the original texts.  It really opens my eyes and my heart is being fed too.  Suddenly new doors are opening and I am more excited than ever to be in Seminary- even in the throws of sheer misery while seeking to grasp Greek grammar. 

What's next? 

What is this blog about anyway?

So you are wondering, and rightly so, why is she writing this?  What about it should appeal to me?  Why should I care?
I can answer the first, I can hazzard a guess at the second, and I cannot even begin to understand the third- it is entirely too personal.
Why?
Why not?  How many distance learning Master of Divinity students do you know that are willing to share the ins and outs, the ups and downs and the totally embarrassing and otherwise mundane moments of Seminary?
Yeah.  I thought so.  And since there is not a line around the block, guess who gets the job?

As for why it should appeal to you? Besides the fact that you probably don't have a long list of people who share this journey with you in writing,  you probably have little or small clues as to how this whole thing works anyway.  I know a lot of people are just now becoming familiar with online learning in the first place, so the question that comes up most often is how you train someone who needs serious 'connection' to develop fully during thier degree program while only doing it online?  It is my hope that you will see just how this works through my eyes, that you will see what a Lutheran does to become ordained (A Pastor) and the journey that gets us there.

FYI, I do take questions.  I promise if you have the courage to ask, I will have the courage to post the question along with my most honest answer.  Help me to educate you and others.  Help me to grow.  Help us to understand each other.

Finally, I write this because I love to write.  I love to share.  I love to learn, and I love to connect.  This is my way to allow some very special people (my candidacy committee at the Metropolitan New York ELCA Synod) as well as my supporting congregations (prayerful, financial, membership, etc) and my friends and family to really get a good look at the process.

So.  Buckle in.  I have about a dozen posts ready to go.  Keep watch and maybe consider subscribing to this page.

Joy in ALL Things,
Just Julie

First Week

Firsts. 

       When I hear that word, I think of the traditional ones; first tooth, first step, first day of school, first job, and in that mindset, I realize that the title "First Week "epitomizes the journey of  new student orientation at Luther Seminary. Those other firsts hold so much potential, mark the beginning of a special journey, one that is unique to each person who marks that first moment.First Week at Luther Seminary holds nothing less.

      For me, I mark the moment that I stepped out of my dorm at Stub Hall that first morning. It was sunny with a touch of haze and as I looked across to Northwestern Hall, I saw pastel chalk writing along the steps and sidewalk ending in eager faces awaiting my approach, much like an eager family member at the airport gate. As I walked up those steps it reminded me of the excitement I felt when walking down the aisle to greet the groom who would become my partner for life. Potential and Promise. My first day as a Graduate student and even more monumental, my first day of following a call from God in pursuing my Master of Divinity.

     First Week was filled with many firsts for me. My first moment at Luther Seminary Campus. My first discussion with a professor. My first raising of the hand to offer a question. My first worship with this new family. It also marked the first time I went sight seeing alone in my life which included a feather being woven into my hair(Minnesota State Fair!), my first meal shared with other students, and my first shared communion with the fellowship of students and leadership at Luther.  Each a new beginning, full of that word again: Potential.

      Sadly, it was also the first night that I lost several hours of sleep to a skateboarder grinding on the steps between Stub and Northwestern Halls at 3 am. And only the first of many days where my mind would be full to overflowing with information and I would wonder if my head might pop off. But there is one first that really stood out; that moment, as the first hymn was being played and we waited to sing, at our first worship together, I had the first moment that I knew, without a doubt, this is where I am supposed to be. So many firsts are filled with insecurity and a fear of the unknown ahead, and yet, this first, this moment of absolute surety, left me only filled with gratitude and joy.